for two weeks, i wondered how i should wrap up my year. should i make a post about all the books i’ve read? nah, that would too many links and pictures. should i make a post about my faves books of the year? well, i did. but i felt like i didn’t recap the year in a…personal way. so i decided to make a rewind. not only for the blog, but for myself. even though i don’t remember the first part of the year. oh well…
let me just start by saying that this is going to be very long post, so i advice you to bring snacks.
january to march
i’d say the year started…normal. okay okay okay, honestly? that’s the part i don’t remember. i think i just…studied, and read. but i remember being so anxious about posting every three days on my blog and pleasing everybody. i was always unsatisfied about my content as well as how my blog looked. i wanted to read more books and study and do EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME that i forgot to…enjoy what i do. everything started having a bitter taste, so i ended up actually doing nothing.
later on, i just felt like…time stopped. have you ever got that feeling? when everything you do/say is just a blur? when YOU’re a blur? i felt like no one saw/reacted to my posts, my instagram pictures didn’t get ANY feedback. and it really saddened me. ALL the things i did, lead to nothing. i felt like i was talking to a wall. i felt useless.
on march, i pulled myself up. i decided to re-start from scratch. i realized that when i first made a blog, it was for ME before it was for ANYBODY ELSE. and i’d come to the conclusion that i was only stressing myself, therefore the quality of my content grew weaker, and instead i had to take ONE STEP AT A TIME. wanting to do everything would have lead to NOTHING. i was only tiring myself.
april to june
on april, i worked very hard on my blog. i switched to a free wordpress plateform. i posted every three days. my stats started increasing amazingly (i STILL haven’t reached that milestone i reached that month, but i don’t really care now). i was so hyped about it. but then again, i wasn’t blogging for me. i was blogging for stats.
so on may, i decided to slow down. finals were coming, so i focused a little more on studying and reading. i didn’t blog under a schedule, but whenever i liked. and from the moment i took that decision, i felt like my posts increased in quality. they got much better, and more personal. i started to like personal posts (like this one). it made the blog more ME. and younicorn reads wasn’t a bookish blog anymore. it had become maha’s blog.
june came with ramadan and finals. so i was…very busy. after finals were done i spent the rest of ramadan with my family -and managed to do a lot of things out of boredom, including reading books i didn’t even like.
july to september
these are the three months where EVERYTHING happened.
july started with the eid (right after ramadan). i really enjoyed those days. at the same time, i was taking a break from everything. all the stress i experienced in the last six months was fading away. and i was feeling good.
on august, i traveled to one of the most beautiful places on earth: las palmas, canary islands. i adored it. the landscapes were stunning, and the beaches were all different kinds of colors and types. it was breathtaking. and the cities…*sigh* so beautiful. it was at that time when the photographer in me was really born. i mean, i only took pictures for bookstagram before that, but when i was there, i wanted to take pictures of everything because everything was so aesthetically pleasing and so worth immortalizing. i couldn’t stop taking photos (not with a fancy camera though, just my iPhone 6, which i’m still using by the way). i came back home with my mind flying with the memories of it, that got quickly swiped away with the realization that school was starting again, and that i was going to a new one this year.
i got anxious. so anxious. how was i going to live most of my days with new people? how was i going to socialize? would those people like me? would they even TALK TO ME? was i going to make new friends? and then in september, it started. for the first week, i didn’t know what to do. i still had my old friends at the same school, but i had no class with any of them. i was so afraid of talking to new people it was crazy. i was just waiting everyday to get out of school. but one day, i had the courage to just…say hi and talk (it drained all the energy in me, just so you know), and people were super nice. we spoke of so many things, and it was a big surprise to know that a BIG part of those people actually READ BOOKS. READ YA. i was…so happy.
october to december
on october, i kept getting to know those people. i wasn’t fully involved into this new life, but i was making my way through it. school got in the way again, and i studied more. but i was HAPPY to talk to those people, i WANTED to go to school to meet them (even though i still hated studying and waking up at 7 a.m.), can you believe it? however, when i was logging to twitter or instagram, there was so much negativity in the book community, it made me…not want to post anything here, that’s why i got into a slump. and i realized that this negativity had been there the whole year. all the fights between people…it was so sad.
so on november i took a step back. i had a hiatus. plus i had to study and i was in a slump so…you get the point. and that helped me. A LOT. i socialized (big surprise here) and read more than usual (i read the whole PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS series in two weeks. TWO WEEKS). people even discovered my bookstagram and blog. and they loved it. whaaaaat?! yes, i can’t believe it myself. they were so encouraging, they followed me and liked my posts, they even commented on them (by the way, if you see weird hating comments on my instagram, that’s them. they’re just being sarcastic).
on december, nothing really happened. this not-so-new-anymore life kept going… but there was that ONE THING that really surprised me. STORY TIME! i was at school (yeah, again, i don’t have a life okay? please cope with me), and one girl came to me and said that she loved my bookstagram and blog. i was so stunned i didn’t even know what to say. i also think i was blushing. so i just mumbled a quiet “thanks”. i KNOW i reacted badly but, but, but…*sigh* i was so happy. and i realized that all my efforts aren’t as useless as i thought they were at the beginning of the year.
so yeah, that was my 2016. quite stressful, but i learned so much from it. these experiences, they were life-changing. and sharing them here, in this post, carves them in my history.
i think…i think this is my favorite post of the year.<3